Once More, for Old Heart's Sake
by ladyshalott
Summary: “All you can do is save the ones you can reach and let the others go”.


Title: Once More, For Old Heart's SakeAuthor: Lady Shalott  
Date Posted: 07/04/05  
Rating: G  
E-Mail: Season Five, post You're Welcome  
Genre: Introspect (C/A of course)  
Summary: "All you can do is save the ones you can reach and let the others go".  
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.  
Distribution: FSB, everywhere else just ask.  
Notes: Came up with this when I was supposed to be writing chapters of my on-going stories. sigh Hope everyone enjoys.  
Feedback: It's either that, or all the men in the Harem ;)

It happened the way it usually did. Someone (Harmony, this time) had mentioned his apparent inability to protect those that were close to him. After an already stressful day, that was the last thing Angel wanted to hear about. He had snapped, tossing her out of his office and brooding about it for the rest of the day. Now, as the sun set beyond the horizon, Angel stepped out onto the balcony beyond his apartment and stared over the lights of LA. His city.

Angel was lost in thought, but he wasn't surprised when she stepped up next to him. She stood by his elbow, silent for some time. Angel eventually turned to look at her.

She looked just like he remembered her, from the days before everything got complicated. Soft, slightly wave brown hair that hung just above her shoulders. Full lips tuned up in the corners for a perpetually optimistic look. Hazel eyes that shone with a light half reflected from those below, and half from her own inner glow. Cordelia smiled her million-dollar smile at him when she caught him watching her.

"Nice night, isn't it?" She asked, conversationally.

Angel knew she wasn't really there, that she could not possibly be there. His Cordelia was slowly rotting in a grave he should have saved her from. Still, Angel had to ask, "What are you doing here?"

Cordy shrugged, turning back to look out at Los Angeles. "I kinda got the feeling you needed me. I mean, it is obvious isn't it?"

"Isn't what?" Angel replied, slightly amused that even the Cordy in his head was cryptic in her own, familiar way.

"That you need me" Her reply was short and abrupt, just as she always had been. Angel didn't answer for a moment, choosing instead to look down at the people far below. Finally, he spoke.

"Do you see those people?" He queried. "They are moving through their lives blissfully ignorant of all the evil that goes on around them. Their vision is so limited that they have no concept of the things that go bump in the night. I am supposed to be their Champion. I, who can not even save the lives of the people I love, am expected to save a city full of lives that mean nothing to me". Angel lapsed into silence.

Cordelia nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, Angel, you are the Champion. You are destined to fight against the evil that humanity can not face. The monsters that lurk in the shadows". Cordelia turned to him. "Not all monsters lurk in the shadows, you know. Some wander in broad daylight, wearing human faces. They move among humanity living mortal lives but inside the body of a person lays the mind and soul of a monster". She paused, collecting her thoughts. "Angel, you can't save everyone, because everyone has the ability to become a monster. All you can do is save the ones you can reach and let the others go".

Angel's shoulders hunched. "You were right in front of me, and I couldn't save you".

"Pfft. Have you ever once stopped to think that maybe I couldn't be saved? That perhaps the entire time I was in front of you, I was out of reach, trapped to a fate that took me far from you?"

Angel turned to her. "How could that be true? You grounded me, Cordelia. I can't imagine that this whole time, you've been flying far away."

Cordelia looked at him with something akin to regret shining in her eyes. "Angel, if I was the one who grounded you then it was you who gave me wings".

"No". He turned away from her. "I refuse to believe that".

Cordy laid a hand on his arm. "If only I could show you the course of destiny. If you could see what I saw, you would know how you have saved me."

"Saved you? Cordelia, I gave you nothing but death. You would have been better off if you had never met me".

She moved around to stand in front of him. "Angel, don't say that and don't ever, ever think that! We are all destined to die, Angel. It is the life we live that counts! Because of you, I lived a life I never dreamed possible. I died because I had lived. So yes, in a way, you gave me death but Angel, I would have had it any way. You gave me more than that".

"What, Cordy? What could I have possibly given you that you couldn't have had otherwise?" Angel's voice broke and a tear shimmered in the corner of his eye. Cordelia's eyes darkened with her own unshed emotions.

"Love". Her answer was simple and complex. It sent a thousand questions rushing into Angel's mind, but he sensed he didn't have time to ask them all. Instead he asked the most important one.

"Why me?"

"Because you care. Because you fight. Because you refuse to look at the world and accept the fact that there is nothing you can do. Because underneath that gruff and abrasive exterior lies a heart of gold". Cordelia smirked at him. "Mostly, because you are you".

Angel pulled her close to him. "There isn't much time left, is there". He murmured the fact into her hair.

Relaxing, and letting her arms encircle him, Cordelia replied, "No".

Angel let his head drop, and she could feel his silent sobs shaking his body. When he had let his grief out, he whispered "Why did you come?"

"You needed me to". Cordelia replied, pulling away. "And because I wanted to see you, once more, for old heart's sake". She leaned forward.

The kiss was soft, gentle, unlike the passionate one she had given him before he had received that dreadful call. This kiss spoke volumes with the tiny whisper of her lips against his. When she pulled away, Angel found that he did not regret the end but instead was filled with joy at the knowledge he held. After all, wasn't the end of one chapter just the beginning of another?

Cordelia stepped back, smiling. "Let them go, Angel. Focus on those who are close". She referred to their earlier conversation. Angel nodded. He understood, now, what she had meant.

"I love you". He told her, simply, with no hesitation. She grinned that old grin. "I know. I love you, too, Broody."

His smile was slight as he watched her fade. Just before she was nearly gone from sight, he called out, "Cordy?"

When he saw the ripple of light that signified her turning he smiled. "Thank you".

Angel couldn't see Cordelia any more, but he was certain she had heard.


End file.
